


When We Were Young

by EggMuffin



Series: EggMuffin's FicWriMo [8]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, can sort of be read as pre-movie, inspired by a song, slightly AU, with a hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 21:11:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8505607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggMuffin/pseuds/EggMuffin
Summary: You look like a movieYou sound like a songMy God, this reminds meOf when we were youngMerlin doesn't expect to run into his ex after 15 years. 
Inspired by When We Were Young by Adele. 
EggMuffin's FicWriMo #8





	

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I haven't written anything about Merlin/Harry yet. I was just listening to [When We Were Young](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDWKuo3gXMQ) by Adele one day and this fic sort of popped into my head and wouldn't leave until I'd written it.  
> This is slightly AU, as in, it doesn't really fit into the events of the film, but since we don't really know what Harry has been up to between Lee's death and Eggsy's recruitment, then this can take place immediately before the movie.

_Everybody loves the things you do_  
_From the way you talk_  
_To the way you move_  
_Everybody here is watching you_  
_'Cause you feel like home_  
_You're like a dream come true_

Merlin could hardly believe his eyes. It had been – what, fifteen years? Sixteen? But Merlin would recognise him anywhere, even after all these years. Mop of brown hair (which would get curly if he let it grow out too long), now tamed down and slicked back. Merlin was sure that his hair was shot through with grey now; he wouldn’t have dyed it to hide the silver streaks, thinking they made him more _distinguished._

Impeccable posture, not rigid, but still proud. He had always carried himself with such confidence, the kind that came naturally to him, but that Merlin had fake.

And always, always surrounded by people, talking, laughing, entertaining, all eyes always on him, enthralled and enraptured by him and his stories. Harry Hart had always been the centre of attention.

_But if by chance you're here alone_  
_Can I have a moment before I go?_  
_'Cause I've been by myself all night long_  
_Hoping you're someone I used to know_

Merlin had never thought he’d see Harry again and now, faced with the sight of him, Merlin didn’t know if he wanted to. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t miss Harry, but what were the rules of social conduct when it came to talking to someone after fifteen years? Merlin had never been good with that stuff, everything social was purely Harry’s domain.

It could be awkward. But Merlin found himself seeking Harry out in the crown again and again, drawn to him like everyone else in the room. It couldn’t hurt, could it? Just two old friends (lovers? Partners?) catching up after all these years. The more the debated, the more his curiosity grew. What had Harry been up to? Did he even remember Merlin?

Merlin drowned his drink and the next time he lifted his gaze to seek out Harry again, he found the man looking straight at him. There was recognition in his eyes and Merlin just stared back, unable to move. Harry had always had a way of pinning you with his gaze, making you unable and unwilling to break away.

He watched as Harry excused himself from the conversation and moved towards him, steps sure and unfaltering. Merlin braced himself, excited, but nervous. He had missed him more than he’d want to admit.

_You look like a movie_  
_You sound like a song_  
_My God, this reminds me_  
_Of when we were young_

‘’Merlin,’’ said Harry and held out his hand for Merlin to shake. The gesture felt foreign to Merlin; after all, they used to greet each other with kisses, embraces, discreet caresses, knowing looks. The years had been kind to Harry; he looked as handsome as ever. Merlin knew that the same couldn’t be said of him; years of loneliness and working late had taken their toll on him. He was still the moth to Harry’s _Papilio ulysses_ , just like when they were young. Merlin, with his too-sharp features and receding hairline (that he had stopped fighting at one point and adopted a shaved head) and Harry, with his boyish good looks and brown eyes brimming with mirth, had made a curious couple. Even now, Merlin was dressed in a solemn grey dinner jacket, aiming for an understated, monochrome look to blend into the background, whereas Harry had opted for a dark blue velvet smoking jacket and tartan trousers. He should’ve looked ridiculous, but Harry could wear anything and still look gorgeous.

He held Harry’s hand for longer than necessary, but if Harry noticed, he didn’t show it. ‘’Harry.’’

_I was so scared to face my fears_  
_Nobody told me that you'd be here_  
_And I swore you moved overseas_  
_That's what you said, when you left me_

‘’It’s been a while, hasn’t it?’’ said Harry. ‘’You look well. How have you been?’’

Standing next to Harry at that moment, Merlin felt like he had never looked worse. ‘’Fine, I – yeah, fine,’’ he said awkwardly. ‘’Busy, you know how it is.’’ He wished that he hadn’t finished his drink. ‘’And you?’’

‘’I’m fine. Back in Europe again,’’ replied Harry.

‘’Back?’’ Harry left Merlin when he went to work in Kingsman’s European division. Their relationship wouldn’t last, they had decided. ‘’We can’t afford worrying over each other over such distance,’’ Harry had said, ‘’it’s dangerous.’’ Merlin had agreed. With the life they lead, attachments were never a good idea. That was before Merlin realised that for some agents, attachments were the only thing keeping them sane.

Harry made an affirmative noise around his mouthful of martini (Merlin remembered tasting the drink on Harry’s lips the first time they kissed, the dryness of the drink contrasting with the wet sweetness of Harry’s mouth, hitting him harder than a shot of tequila). ‘’I spent nine years in America,’’ he said. He smiled, but there was a bittersweet feel to it. ‘’Nine years. How long has it really been, Merlin? Fifteen years? Sixteen?’’

‘’Something like that.’’ Five times longer than they had been together. Harry looked at Merlin searchingly. ‘’How are you really?’’ he asked, voice low and gentle. Back then, Harry had only used that voice when they were alone, face to face, intimately close. It felt glaringly out of place in the banquet hall at Kingsman headquarters. Merlin wondered if Harry noticed that.

‘’I think I’m getting old,’’ said Merlin, which made Harry laugh. ‘’Nonsense, Merlin, you don’t look a day over 35.’’ He must’ve been around 35 when they last saw each other. Was that how Harry remembered Merlin? Forever 35, newly given up on his hair and trying to make the bald look work?

‘’Well, I _feel_ old,’’ said Merlin and grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter, desperate to have a drink. He took a large sip, letting the liquid flood his mouth and held himself back from wincing at the taste. He hated champagne.

‘’You hate champagne,’’ said Harry. Merlin took another sip and considered lying. _I learned to like it_ , he would say. _Tastes change. My new partner introduced me to this great brand –_

But no. Harry would see right through him. ‘’I needed a drink,’’ he confessed and set the glass down. ‘’You know I don’t know how to deal with these situations, Harry. You were always the diplomat.’’

Harry set his glass down next to Merlin’s. ‘’There’s nothing to deal with, Merlin. It’s just me.’’

Merlin didn’t say anything. That was the problem – it was Harry. He didn’t seem to have changed much, he was still Harry, Merlin’s Harry. The same Harry who had borrowed Merlin’s underwear and cooked for him and let him break down on his shoulder when his father died.

‘’Why don’t you show me around this place. It’s been a while since I’ve been here,’’ said Harry eventually, when Merlin didn’t reply, changing the topic for Merlin’s benefit. Merlin was more grateful than he cared to admit.

‘’What do you want to see first?’’

_Let me photograph you in this light_  
_In case it is the last time_  
_That we might be exactly like we were_  
_Before we realized_  
_We were sad of getting old_  
_It made us restless_  
_It was just like a movie_  
_It was just like a song_

Merlin hadn’t meant to end up near the pond and he cursed himself for not paying attention where they were going. They used to come here when they were younger, first as recruits, then as colleagues, then as lovers. Having lunch, smoking, talking. Kissing. He looked at Harry looking at the water thoughtfully. It used to be the most natural thing to run up behind Harry and give him a shove, pretending to push him into the water.

Unable to look at Harry without evoking memories that he didn’t want to think about, Merlin walked a bit further away, trying to get himself together. He wished for a drink or a smoke, but drinks were inside and he didn’t really smoke anymore.

He heard as Harry came up to him. ‘’I think the pond used to be bigger,’’ he said. Merlin snorted. ‘’You’re just used to the U.S. Everything’s bigger there, I hear.’’

‘’Har har.’’

They looked each other in tense silence. Merlin waited for Harry to break it, to make another joke, some inane observation to lighten the mood, to keep the conversation going. Instead, Harry stepped closer. Merlin didn’t dare to breathe as Harry laid one hand gently on his cheek. ‘’May I?’’ he asked in the same gentle tone that had sounded so out of place earlier. They had shared countless of moments like this and Merlin couldn’t find it in himself to say no, so he nodded.

The kiss was gentle, hesitant, halting, but Harry’s lips were warm. Merlin was sure that they had never kissed like that before. They first kiss had been insistent, fuelled by desire and alcohol. They had shared deep, passionate kisses, sweet, chaste, loving kisses, but none of them had been this tender.

Harry broke the kiss, but didn’t pull away, staying close, so Merlin could feel his warmth. ‘’I missed you,’’ he said quietly. ‘’I knew I’d made a mistake right after I left. But you know me. I don’t like admitting I was wrong.’’

Merlin’s heart clenched. Maybe they could go back to the way they were.

They couldn’t. Merlin hadn’t shared his life with anyone after Harry left. He didn’t know if he could learn to after all these years. He missed Harry, but what if they decided that they couldn’t do it all over again after all. Merlin felt too old and tired to try.

‘’I missed you,’’ he whispered. ‘’But I don’t think this is a good idea. Why open old wounds, Harry?’’

‘’You’re always so pragmatic.’’

‘’I’m looking out for myself. For you. Harry, were too old for this. It’s been 15 years,’’ said Merlin and pulled away from Harry and his warmth, afraid that his resolve wouldn’t hold if he stayed like that any longer.

Harry smiled that bittersweet smile again. ‘’You’re probably right.’’ He squeezed Merlin’s shoulder. ‘’I don’t want to lose you again, Merlin. Will you be my friend again? We’ll get Arsenal season tickets and wear those hideous scarves.’’

Harry looked so hopeful that Merlin allowed himself to believe that they could be friends. Maybe they really could. Maybe in time Merlin would be able to stop thinking of Harry in terms of what they were. Maybe he would be able to look at the past with fondness instead of sadness.

‘’Alright,’’ he said. ‘’Just like when we were young.’’

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](http://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Feel free to leave me prompts or suggestions!
> 
> Up next: no fricking clue. Whatever I feel like writing tonight/tomorrow morning.


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